"A child's learning is the function more of the characteristics of his classmates than those of the teacher." James Coleman, 1972

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Dolores Umbridge gets tough on English Learners

In reaction to current reports that English Learners do not score as well on tests of English as do fluent English speakers, US Department of Education Testing Czar Dolores Umbridge proclaimed that by 2014 "the gap must be closed." Umbridge proclaimed that all English Learners must score at the "proficient" level in English reading on the new Western Achievement Student Test of English (WASTE), which will be given twice a month to all students in the country. The test was designed by the Western Achievement Corporation, The former CEO of Western Achievement, Thomas Riddle, now serves as a special adviser to Ms. Umbridge.
At a recent press conference, H. Potter, junior scholar at the prestigious Dumbledore Institute, asked Ms. Umbridge how this was possible, since by definition English learners are not yet proficient in English.

"Hard work is the answer," was Ms. Umbridge's response: "And no excuses. You are obviously guilty of the soft bigotry of low expectations."

Education Secretary Duncan approved of Ms. Umbridge's action, noting that reaching the goal of total proficiency will take "a lot of heavy lifting," largely in the form of the creation of new WASTE tests. The secretary did not comment on the rumor that Western plans to out-source test construction to India, Malaysia and Singapore.

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